Dating...

📷 Lucy Wooley

I once joked that I would write a book about 

“The trials and tribulations of dating a Jewish 20 something." 

Some of my family advised against it, for fear being described as a Jewish Taylor Swift or a less chic Carrie Bradshaw.  

So here we are, I didn’t take their advice. 

A little something to introduce you into my dating world.

What does dating mean in the Jewish world?

Well other than delicious Friday night dinners with 20 of your parents “best friends” and their eligible sons (how convenient?) It means, neurotic but loving parents, a community that loves and supports you but also knows what time you go to the toilet everyday and a constant fear of disappointment coated in immense guilt. All which we mask with self deprecating humour.

A topic that comes up time and time again is dating. As a girl in her late 20’s who is single, unmarried, and “a real catch,” comments fly around such as:

 “I don’t believe that you’re single.” Flattering, but unhelpful.

“Do you think it’s because you talk too much?” Rude, I have personality and occasionally get carried away.

“Why can’t you find someone?” Well if I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

(Argumentative much?)

In the musical Fiddler On The Roof, Tevye, the father learns to accept that traditions can mature and change as society moves forward.
However, “some things never change” and that is “marrying within the faith.”
“A bird may love a fish, but where would they build a home together.” You know that immense Jewish guilt I mentioned, DING DING DING!

Whilst I understand this age old tradition, it makes the pool of men rather small, and short (sorry Jewish boys, but it’s true).

The usual dialogue with Jewish parents and their 20 something child goes a bit like this,
“Have you been on any dates lately?”
“Are you using The J Swipe? because, I know someone who set their distance settings to the maximum and married someone in America."

“Oh I know someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who is single, I’ll set it up.”

(Usually all these questions are asked by my dad).

Firstly it’s just “J Swipe” adding the “the” makes it sound like a medical procedure. And for those reading and wondering “What does the J stand for?” Jewish. Essentially meaning, Tinder for Jews. And yes, I would love to move to America, but at the moment I'm hoping it's because I get cast in a new Broadway show, rather than because I swiped right. 

(Having said that, any single Jewish American guys out there?)

When you get a match on this dating app, a moving picture appears of a glass being broken and confetti turns into “‘MAZEL TOV.” Even the app tells me MARRIAGE IS AROUND THE CORNER!

Insert boys name here and YES this is a screenshot from the app.

Secondly, I will discuss my dating life when there is something to tell. 

A conversation that consists of “what’s your favourite colour?” And “what uni did you go to?” Doesn’t exactly make for a Friday Night Dinner anecdote.

(Can you call it a date if you had a pineapple juice? Maybe my choice of drink is where i'm going wrong. Am I the problem?)

And thirdly, just because a random person that your 3rd cousin's, best friends mum introduced you to ONCE is single, doesn’t mean they’re right for me.

Dating is hard. I know that I’m “a catch,” I'm just maybe not the gefilte fish kind, I’m someone with a little more flavour.

(Cue publishing this blog and endless eligible bachelors sliding into my DM's - or does that only happen on Love Island?)

Thank you, NEXT!