We are constantly told "life is about balance." A balanced diet, work hard - play hard, side hustle vs art, or even staying balanced on roller skates so you don’t fall over and break your arm…surprisingly difficult.
This year so far, I've really tried to address balance as a whole.
Acting is what I love and what gives me the most joy. I've always felt my value as a person lay with work and working. So, when you have a period of time without performing, how do you balance your self worth? It gives me so much joy and love, but it can reject me. It makes me feel the best I've ever felt, but then I get a bad review. The Opening Night MEGA high, and then the post show blues. Without a contract and a legal acknowledgement of your talent, it can make one feel like a fraud.
"So what are you in right now?" "Umm, I'm playing Emma Kingston in the Emma Kingston True Hollywood Story (Minus the Hollywood)." It can make you feel like you're living in your own episode of Black Mirror.
Even with reminders of your achievements, the downtime can feel overwhelming.
When we're in a job, we crave a break and when we're not in a job, we crave structure. But we don't want the archetypal 9-5 structure, we want to still feel creatively fulfilled in a structured environment, but we don't want to seem rigid because to be an artist means to be a free spirit.
I'm not sure how it happens, but I am constantly busy and running around like a headless chicken when I'm in freelance mode. Then it becomes a question of how can I balance freelancing, adulting and giving myself enough time to be an actor. And amongst all that, you're supposed to find time to have a social life, date, see friends and family and "live real life."
I don't know about you, but even typing all that was overwhelming.
What happens when there is a cost of living crisis and you take on too many hours of your side hustle that everything else starts to fall by the wayside?
I have work, but I need to film a self tape.
Bills to pay, but I need a mental and physical break.
I want to be in a show, but I don't want to take a backwards step in my career.
What happens when the balance is off and you're suddenly forgotten about? You've been trying to be in the drivers seat of your own career, but end up being stuck in cruise control.
This year I've also been rehabbing a pretty bad injury and a year on, I'm still figuring it out. Balancing pushing my range of movement with deep, dark pain.
Balancing the emotions of potentially needing surgery.
When do you push through and when is it time to take a break?
I think I'm slowly learning and realising that everyones version of balance is different. It all depends on where you place value. I'm starting to realise that the highest value of all needs to be yourself.
I'm worth more than my job. I am worth more than my side hustle. I am enough by myself.
There is a great quote in the Netflix TV show "Never Have I Ever."
"You are never too much and you are ALWAYS enough."
I used to think that self love was looking at yourself in the mirror and liking what you see.
I think self worth is waking up in the morning and knowing that you have something to offer that day that is of value to the world. I'm still going to look in the mirror and see imperfections. I'm also still going to sometimes feel like an imposter. But there will also be days where I wake up and feel like an absolute winner who can conquer anything and WIN.
I don't think there is a perfect formula to balance in life. I think all we can do is try out best to figure out what works for us. It's all really just a "balancing act" and it changes daily.
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On that note, I'm Out of Office next week.
A week of calm to balance the never ending storm.
